This is a very open heart blog post i must say. And pretty confusing. Wana know why? BECAUSE I AM A FREAKING FICKLE WOMAN. Hahahaa ok read on and you'll know what I'm trying to say.
This photo attached here in this post is THE reason why i'm NOT ready to be a mom. Please don't judge. Hahaha! And of course there are other reasons besides this naivë thinking. Other reasons which i shall not point out.
Ya ya whenever i see those married women who are pregnant makes me wana get pregnant too. Especially when they are my friends. I can't deny. BUT the next second, i'll say "Eh taknak ah! Bukan senang jadi mak."
Then last month, my menses was one week late. I pray to God that i'll be pregnant BUT the next second, i hope it is just a false alarm & hope my menses will come soon.
When i checked with pregnancy test, it was negative. The 1st impression was "Alah tak pregnant lagik" and then the next second "Woohoo tak pregnant!" Seriously aku tak tau apa aku nak. Confusing kan?!
I wonder if i am the only woman who is like this or ada lagi other women that are as fickle as me? Kejap nak kejap taknak. Macam nak beli bag pulak. Ke beli kasut ke. Ke beli aper aper lah!
I know of these 2 women who actually doesn't wana get pregnant first but they got pregnant and then miscarriaged. THAT is what i'm afraid off. Guess that is the reason why God won't make me pregnant now?
Some people said that if you get pregnant, you will automatically be ready and blabla and yadayada. Well perhaps when the time comes. The time which comes laterrrrrrrr and not so soon. Heh!
Please don't tell my mom about this. She'll start to lecture me again and she'll buy me this & that for me to consume so i'll get pregnant. Gosh mom!
For a meantime, i shall improve myself to be a better ummah which i hope when i get pregnant (not soon enough), i'll be a perfect mom. Bi'iznillah.
Wassalam.
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